Do you ever get people telling you that you need to change in order to be well liked? Well I sometimes feel like I have. I've had people tell me if I smiled more maybe people would talk to me more. The most recent I've had was someone telling me I need to get out into the social arena more if I want to get married. This was actually told to me by a counselor in our new bishopric at church. I was just sitting with a few friends after church at the ward "Meet and Greet" that the bishopric likes to have so people can get to know the new members of the ward being a new semester and all. The member of the bishopric, Brother Call, came and sat with us. Now, I don't mean to dis him or anything and I'm not meaning to imply he's incapable of fulfilling his calling or anything like that, he just has a different perspective on dating than I do. Anyway, I had just made mention how I will be unmarried when I graduate this summer and how I want to take advantage of that and move in to my own apartment. Then Bro. Call asked why I was still single- had I just not been getting asked out? I said that definitely was part of it. The he proceeded to tell me I need to get out there more if I'm wanting to get married someday. I said I enjoyed being at the apartment by myself this past Friday night; it gave me some desired peace and quiet and solitude, which I am a greater fan of than most. He said that if I ever feel like staying home, that's when I most need to get out. I should never give up an opportunity to go out and do something to just stay at my apartment alone. Is there something wrong with liking the solitude? I seem to feel attacked sometimes by people when it comes to my enjoyment of being alone. People seem to find me weird for having a greater preference for it than they do. I don't know what to tell you, but that's just who I am. I can be social if I want to be; and when I don't want to be, I'm not. I don't do things I don't want to do. I'm not going to go to an activity that I would find boring or stupid for the sole purpose of being social. That's like lying to myself.
I also mentioned how I wouldn't date someone for the sake of just dating someone. I won't go out with people I don't like. Call me shallow if you will, but I don't care. I also mentioned how I've dated the guys that don't want commitment or that blatantly say they could never marry me (long story and hey, they were learning experiences, ok?). I won't do that anymore. I haven't dated a whole lot, but enough to have been hurt multiple times and to know what I don't want and what I won't settle for. So excuse me for holding the standard that my husband needs to be an active member of the church with an appreciation for the gospel who respects the priesthood. I guess I must take an extreme view when the prophets and apostles have said to set high standards. Like President Packer when he said "We encourage you to set high standards of dating." Or when Elder LeGrand Curtis said in the New Era, "It seems to me that quality young people are searching for other young people of high caliber who dress and act modestly, understand conversation, have high standards of behavior, and are refined yet 'down to earth.'" Note my sarcasm. I have no inclination to date people I could never marry. Been there, done that. What's the point of dating someone you know you could never marry and in whom you're investing time and emotion only to have your heart injured? I digress. I was told I could never find someone to marry if I don't "get out there"; that if I'm looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Perfect I'll still be single when I'm 80 years old. No guy is going to come to my door when I'm home at night and say "Hey, I'm ready to get married." Well, duh. But I don't think going out every night and doing things I don't wanna do is the answer either. I know Bro. Call meant well, but I was feeling pretty defensive.
The way I see it is I'll get married when it's my time. I'm not going out of my way in search of a husband if it's just not my time. But it's not like I'm going to avoid social situations either. If there's an activity I want to go to, I'll go. Being a social guru is not part of my personality. Why pretend to be something I'm not? I figure, the Lord knows my personality, He knows the best way to introduce me to my future husband so why do I need to worry about those details? As long as I'm doing what I'm supposed to things will happen the way they're supposed to. I'm not the type of person who is comfortable going up to someone (guy or girl) I don't know and striking up a conversation with them out of the blue. That's just not how I function. I need people I'm already friends with to introduce me and be a conversationalist with me at first. Then when I'm comfortable with that person, I can just go and talk to them by myself. I figure that's the method by which I'll meet the guy I marry; we'll be friends first... none of this blind date stuff, or we just met in the ward a week ago and they seemed cool so we thought it try it out. Again, not how I work. I could be wrong, but I figure the Lord knows how to work things out so we do I need to change my personality to supposedly "up my chances"? I don't is the way I see it. I know I'm far from perfect and there are a lot of things I need to work on and improve, but I think for the most part I'm happy being me. I like me the way I am and you should too. After all, what's not to like?
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