Do you ever wish you were younger? I don't mean in the sense that you want fewer wrinkles, or more energy. I mean the days when all you had to concern yourself with were grades (if that, haha) and well, that's pretty much it. I'm obviously not talking Jr. High, but younger than that. The days when recess meant going out to the playground, playing tag or movie freeze. When you just wanted to play tether ball and four square. The days when you would go on a class field trip to Cariollon Park and picnic outside the bell tower. Or dressing up for a field trip to go to the pioneer village and learn how life was like for them going to school. Let's not forget about the other important aspects of that age... cartoons. Do you miss getting ready for school and having 15 minutes or so to watch part of your show before running to catch the bus? Or coming home in the afternoon just in time to catch X-Men or Animaniacs? Then of course, there was Saturday morning. I also remember riding my back up and down the streets where we lived. Maybe these are all a little too specific to actually fit with some of you, but I think you get my idea. You know what else I miss? The holidays as a kid. Don't get me wrong, I still love the holidays as an adult, but you gotta admit the magic is kinda gone when you grow up. Maybe that's just me. And maybe it's because I'm kinda stuck in the middle; I'm not a little kid anymore, but I don't have my own kids either. I'm sure it's different when you're married with kids and are starting anew, just from a different angle. Right now though, I kinda miss being the kid.
When it comes to Thanksgiving, I miss being a kid and piling in the car to go to Grandma and Grandpa's where they would have the long tables all set up with white table clothes and candles and centerpieces. Grandma and Grandpa sat at the end closest to the kitchen and there were seat going all around for everyone in the family. Then the pool table at the other end of the table was covered and had all the desserts on it. There were all sorts of pies and goodies. We of course always had a blessing before eating, and it was always funny to me the difference in the prayers when someone from my family offered it versus when someone else said it. Always good though. I'm not sure if this is entirely accurate, but I recall usually having something with our name on it at our seat. I think I can remember switching those around a little sometimes... It's been a while since I've had Thanksgiving with the family and even longer since it used to be like that. I also have memories from when I was like 7 or something and driving around the little play cars they had or bouncing on this giant orangish/brown ball after the tables and chairs were cleared away. Good times.
Can't forget about Christmas. My heart would always be racing with anticipation as I tried to fall asleep. This was back when I believed in Santa. I know some parents don't even pretend there's a Santa; their kids always know that it's them. I think that just takes away from the magic they could otherwise experience as a kid. Obviously, the main message of Christmas should still be about Christ, but I see no harm in allowing the fascination that comes from Santa. Anyway. I remember waking up Christmas morning, which wasn't as early as you might think. I don't know that I ever actually woke up before 7am. I remember coming out of my room and checking my parents' room and my siblings rooms if they weren't already up. Then Mom and Dad would go downstairs to "get everything ready". They would turn on the Christmas lights, Dad usually turned on some Mo-Tab Christmas music, and they would be ready with the video recorder and camera. Meanwhile, us kids would be anxiously waiting at the top of the stairs. Most of my clear memories are from living at our house on Kilkenny, so we could see the stockings hanging up on the banister down the stairs. When Mom and Dad finally said we could come down, we would hop down the stairs (some of us wrapped in blankets... usually Dave) going youngest to oldest. By the time we got to the bottom of the stairs, we could see the white tree to the left in the living room. We'd head over to the tree and of course we had "our spots". They may have altered a little bit over the years when there was furniture movement or whatever, but pretty much stayed the same. Dad would be the one to hand out presents and when we were done we usually headed over to the family Christmas tree in the family room where we had our sibling gifts. Then of course it was time for breakfast. Later we got to go to Grandma and Grandpa's. All the presents from them would be stacked up in front of the fireplace next to their ginormous Christmas tree. There would be all sorts of food in the kitchen; it was always just go for it when you're hungry. Nothing fancy. Then we'd all gather to open presents. I can go further back than that though. Back when I was 7/8 I remember Santa coming. We would all be downstairs and Santa would come. He would call all the grandkids' names, we'd sit on his lap and he'd give us a present. Good times. I could go on with holidays and reminisce about Easter and flying kites, but I think I'll forgo that.
While there's a lot about being a kid that I'm glad is over, there are still things I miss about the simplistic lifestyle. Life is just gonna get harder, isn't it? I wonder though, are we the reason our lives become so complex? Do they really have to be as complicated as we make them out to be? Obviously there are some things they will get harder and more complex that are beyond our control, but maybe we complicate things that don't really need to be so complicated. Oh well, that's another direction entirely. This just shows that we should enjoy each part of our life, cuz eventually we'll be moving on to somewhere new.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
My How Time Flies...
So I'm thinking maybe it's time for an update. Based on the fact that I haven't written anything since January I'm sure you can imagine there's been quite a lot that's happened. I guess I'll start off by saying I no longer work for that stupid doctor. He decided to "let me go" back in May. He said he felt like there was nothing else he could do to motivate me. He even admitted though that I had been doing better lately, with whatever it was exactly he was having problems with. Mind you, he never even hinted to me that he was having problems with me. We were getting ready to transition to working for Central Utah Clinic at which time he would no longer be in charge of hiring/firing. He clearly didn't like me as a person so he fired me just before the transition. What a jerk face! I must admit it came as quite a shock, but it was probably for the best since I absolutely loathed that job and may not have had the guts to quit when I should have. As if that didn't tick me off enough though, when I was trying to get unemployment to help out while I was looking for a new job, I heard from the unemployment office that he claimed I was a horrible employee. He and our office manager Lindsey (my "friend" whom I went to Paris with) said I rolled my eyes when asked to do something, I didn't help my coworker who were apparently complaining about me, and they said patients were complaining about me. Whatever! Patients loved me! I may not have loved everything I had to do, but I faked it and I faked it well! Dude, talk about slander. I almost started crying on the phone w/ the unemployment lady as she was telling me all this. I told her my side of the story and how I felt under-appreciated. I called back later to let her know I could bring in a copy of my letter of recommendation he had written for me, which totally contradicted anything he told them but she had already deemed my story more credible than his. Loser. Oh well, that's all in the past now and I never have to deal with him or that office again.
Eventually I did get a new job. Just last month my friend Ann, whom had recently come back out to Provo after getting home from her mission, announced she was planning on moving to NM and that I could apply for her job as a security receptionist at this company called ModusLink down in Spanish Fork. So she told her boss, Ben, about me and he really wanted to meet me so I went and interviewed with him and his boss, Sterling. I got the job a couple days later. Let me tell you something, God has everything timed just right. He waited until the very last minute, but it worked out beautifully. I got the job literally days before I was supposed to be kicked out of my apt. I was preparing to move in w/ Sis.Darrington, whom I knew growing up back home. She lived down in Springville, which was about 15-20 minutes from Provo and all my friends. She also had 2 dogs and a cat. Those who know me know I do NOT like pets. I particularly get very uncomfortable around dogs. Heck, I almost started crying when I went down to visit her and the dogs were getting all up in my groove. I was grateful she was willing to let me live there, but it was so not what I wanted to do. Then I got this job and I was able to afford to stay at my apt. Heavenly Father was totally looking out for me and knew exactly what I needed. I even get paid more! So I just work at the front desk and basically check people's badges as they come in, as can be seen in this comic:
I also make ID badges and help with process instructions, incident reports, and other little fun projects that you probably don't know anything about, nor do you really care. I don't blame you, hahaha. While it may not be the most exciting job, it's 10x better than the one I had before. I work with amazing people, which to me is more important than the job itself. My boss Ben has become a really good friend. He's pretty much amazing. That's definitely new. I've also become friends with a couple of the other guys working in security. I also know people in other departments who are really nice. I didn't realize how bad my last job was until I started working here. I used to wake up absolutely dreading having to go to work and now I don't mind so much. Funny how something as bad as being fired can end up being one of the best things to happen to you.
I have a lot of "down time" which comes in handy since I'm studying to take the GRE in November. Hopefully then I'll be able to start some grad school applications and make it there next fall. I don't really remember making the decision on what I wanted to study in grad school, but I found myself drawing up a nice little outline of different schools and looking at Masters/PhD programs in physiology, with a possible emphasis in neuroscience. I don't remember making the decision, but I've apparently decided to go on to grad school so that I can teach at a University of sorts and do my own research. It scares me to death, but it feels more right than anything else I can think of. I would love to go to Ohio State, though their programs of interest for me only offer a PhD; some of which take 4-5 years. My second choice is probably Cinci. They seem to have some good programs and even have a masters in physiology with a teaching option for those wanting to go into teaching. Then there's possibly Wright State, though I confess I don't feel too thrilled about that one. All these though would enable me to go back to Ohio, land of the Awesome. I've also looked at Miami Ohio, Northwestern (haha, yeah right), UNLV (random, I know) and BYU. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
Anyway, I think I’ve rambled on about my life long enough. I’m surprised some of you are actually still reading this. You must’ve just skipped down to the end. Anyway, in a nutshell, life is pretty good right now. I have a plan I’m working towards and I’m sure it’ll get messed up and changed, but one thing at a time people!
Eventually I did get a new job. Just last month my friend Ann, whom had recently come back out to Provo after getting home from her mission, announced she was planning on moving to NM and that I could apply for her job as a security receptionist at this company called ModusLink down in Spanish Fork. So she told her boss, Ben, about me and he really wanted to meet me so I went and interviewed with him and his boss, Sterling. I got the job a couple days later. Let me tell you something, God has everything timed just right. He waited until the very last minute, but it worked out beautifully. I got the job literally days before I was supposed to be kicked out of my apt. I was preparing to move in w/ Sis.Darrington, whom I knew growing up back home. She lived down in Springville, which was about 15-20 minutes from Provo and all my friends. She also had 2 dogs and a cat. Those who know me know I do NOT like pets. I particularly get very uncomfortable around dogs. Heck, I almost started crying when I went down to visit her and the dogs were getting all up in my groove. I was grateful she was willing to let me live there, but it was so not what I wanted to do. Then I got this job and I was able to afford to stay at my apt. Heavenly Father was totally looking out for me and knew exactly what I needed. I even get paid more! So I just work at the front desk and basically check people's badges as they come in, as can be seen in this comic:
I also make ID badges and help with process instructions, incident reports, and other little fun projects that you probably don't know anything about, nor do you really care. I don't blame you, hahaha. While it may not be the most exciting job, it's 10x better than the one I had before. I work with amazing people, which to me is more important than the job itself. My boss Ben has become a really good friend. He's pretty much amazing. That's definitely new. I've also become friends with a couple of the other guys working in security. I also know people in other departments who are really nice. I didn't realize how bad my last job was until I started working here. I used to wake up absolutely dreading having to go to work and now I don't mind so much. Funny how something as bad as being fired can end up being one of the best things to happen to you.
I have a lot of "down time" which comes in handy since I'm studying to take the GRE in November. Hopefully then I'll be able to start some grad school applications and make it there next fall. I don't really remember making the decision on what I wanted to study in grad school, but I found myself drawing up a nice little outline of different schools and looking at Masters/PhD programs in physiology, with a possible emphasis in neuroscience. I don't remember making the decision, but I've apparently decided to go on to grad school so that I can teach at a University of sorts and do my own research. It scares me to death, but it feels more right than anything else I can think of. I would love to go to Ohio State, though their programs of interest for me only offer a PhD; some of which take 4-5 years. My second choice is probably Cinci. They seem to have some good programs and even have a masters in physiology with a teaching option for those wanting to go into teaching. Then there's possibly Wright State, though I confess I don't feel too thrilled about that one. All these though would enable me to go back to Ohio, land of the Awesome. I've also looked at Miami Ohio, Northwestern (haha, yeah right), UNLV (random, I know) and BYU. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
Anyway, I think I’ve rambled on about my life long enough. I’m surprised some of you are actually still reading this. You must’ve just skipped down to the end. Anyway, in a nutshell, life is pretty good right now. I have a plan I’m working towards and I’m sure it’ll get messed up and changed, but one thing at a time people!
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Physiology: Heartache, Faith, and Fear
Have you ever wondered why emotions have such a strong effect on your heart? After all, the heart is just another organ like the stomach or liver, right? No exactly. I’ve been wondering what the deal is with the heart. I mean, why is it the symbol of love and why is there actual physical pain there when you’re stressed, depressed or in all other respects, unhappy? And why at the same time do happy, exciting feelings also cause the heart to do weird things physically? I can’t say I’ve had recent feelings or emotions to trigger these questions, but I’ve experienced the oddities of the heart just like everyone else in times of stress and happiness, so I decided to figure out what the deal is. You look everywhere and you find all sorts of things about heartache and broken hearts. They’re usually talking about the emotional pain more so than the physical pain that can sometimes accompany it. But I find the physiological manifestations of emotions interesting. So, I’ve done some research and here’s what I’ve found.
Time for the nerd part of me to shine… There are actually quite some strong ties between the brain and the heart. Our emotions cause the brain to tell the heart what’s going on and then the heart responds in complex ways. When we’re stressed, anxious, or angry our heart patterns are more irregular and crazy. This is generally not good for the heart, physically or otherwise. The brain then recognizes these patterns as negative… duh. These negative emotions seem to start a chain reaction in the body. First they cause those irregular beats we feel, but they also raise stress hormones, constrict blood vessels, raise blood pressure and weaken the immune system. Of course the first place we notice any physical discomfort to these emotions is the heart. Our brain is basically sending chemical signals, which can weaken heart tissue. There are hormones like cortisol, which are released during times of stress by the adrenal cortex. The adrenal cortex is part of the adrenal gland, which sits on top of the kidneys. The king of these regulations though is the anterior pituitary of the brain. This is where hormones like corticotropin (ACTH) are secreted. ACTH then stimulates the secretion of cortisol by the adrenal cortex. I’m sure that’s more information than you really cared to know. You knew what I was before you started reading this, so none of this “Oh my gosh, she’s a nerd!” stuff. Anyway, back to business. Opposite of that would be those feelings of overwhelming happiness, excitement, the ‘butterflies’ etc. These emotions cause the heart to beat more smoothly.
All this jazz I’ve just rambled on about is associated with something called broken heart syndrome. Like I was saying, it’s an actual, physical heart condition temporarily brought on by stressful situations. Part of the heart even temporarily enlarges. Crazy, huh? Granted, the actual broken heart syndrome is usually reserved for really severe events. But I think the physiology behind still applies, even if the effects aren’t as severe as in the actual condition. I think most of us can vouch that being stressed or unhappy is physically draining. Despite all the information and knowing that there are physiological things happening to you when you’re sad, there is really no way to make it just stop in it’s tracks. At least I haven’t quite figured that one out. It takes time for your body to catch up with your new mindset.
So, I went to the BYU forum once that had an old professor of mine (Dr. Bell) whom I really liked. He talked about the physiology of faith and fear. It was a really awesome forum. I figure it kinda ties in with what I’ve talked about and is pretty interesting so here’s a little about that-
You know how when you get scared you feel your heart start racing and you breath in a lot deeper? Well, there are physiological reasons for that. Again it involved the hypothalamus sending signals all over the place and this causes an increase in blood pressure, blood sugar levels rise, the liver and muscles release sugar to be used as energy to fuel the muscles, blood vessels contract, and the lungs dilate. This helps you get away if there is the fear of physical danger. It’s part of the autonomic nervous system, which means it’s something that happens and you don’t even have to think about it. Your mind and body are that good. Pretty cool stuff I think. When we’re afraid our bodies release the stress hormone cortisol, yet again. This stuff saves our lives though. We would not be able to survive without cortisol. Well, I suppose technically we could just so long as we never get hungry, scared, sick, or stressed in anyway. If you live that kind of life style let me know what the heck you’re doing.
So basically our fear can keep us alive. It causes the release of cortisol to help us cope with our stressors. But fear is not always acute, or in other words a temporary state to escape rational danger. Dr. Bell talked about all of our irrational fears that we constantly carry with us. The fear of failure, responsibility, embarrassment, public speaking, etc. are all irrational fears, which can inhibit our progress in this life. Our fear causes us to sacrifice our potential for the mediocre.
We all have pains, sorrows, and trial in this life. That culminates half the definition of life. The other half though is joy, service, and love. The Lord has given us bodies that can physically feel emotional pain. I think in a way this helps us better understand what we’re going through and then the ability to empathize with others. Our bodies have also been designed to protect us from overwhelming and even dangerous situations. You gotta admit, God knew what he was doing when he designed/created our bodies to help us make it through this mortal life. Our bodies however don't control us. We can choose faith over fear. We can choose to work to dispel stress and heartache rather than living with it as a constant companion. I wonder if we’ll still have an autonomic nervous system and adrenal glands in the next life… Anyway, I figured I’d leave you with a transitional set of quotes. Think about it.
Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
-- Author Unknown
The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt.
-- Max Lerner, The Unfinished Country, 1950
I thought when love for you died, I should die. It's dead. Alone, most strangely, I live on.
-- Rupert Brooke
[A] final comfort that is small, but not cold: The heart is the only broken instrument that works.
-- T.E. Kalem
“You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.”
- Mary Manin Morrissey
"Fear imprisons, faith liberates; fear paralyzes, faith empowers; fear disheartens, faith encourages; fear sickens, faith heals; fear makes useless, faith makes serviceable."
- Harry Emerson Fosdick
“Live by faith and not by fear.”
- Elder Quentin L. Cook
“As children of our Heavenly Father, we should learn to be happy, to trust in Him, and to not be afraid.”
- President James E. Faust
Time for the nerd part of me to shine… There are actually quite some strong ties between the brain and the heart. Our emotions cause the brain to tell the heart what’s going on and then the heart responds in complex ways. When we’re stressed, anxious, or angry our heart patterns are more irregular and crazy. This is generally not good for the heart, physically or otherwise. The brain then recognizes these patterns as negative… duh. These negative emotions seem to start a chain reaction in the body. First they cause those irregular beats we feel, but they also raise stress hormones, constrict blood vessels, raise blood pressure and weaken the immune system. Of course the first place we notice any physical discomfort to these emotions is the heart. Our brain is basically sending chemical signals, which can weaken heart tissue. There are hormones like cortisol, which are released during times of stress by the adrenal cortex. The adrenal cortex is part of the adrenal gland, which sits on top of the kidneys. The king of these regulations though is the anterior pituitary of the brain. This is where hormones like corticotropin (ACTH) are secreted. ACTH then stimulates the secretion of cortisol by the adrenal cortex. I’m sure that’s more information than you really cared to know. You knew what I was before you started reading this, so none of this “Oh my gosh, she’s a nerd!” stuff. Anyway, back to business. Opposite of that would be those feelings of overwhelming happiness, excitement, the ‘butterflies’ etc. These emotions cause the heart to beat more smoothly.
All this jazz I’ve just rambled on about is associated with something called broken heart syndrome. Like I was saying, it’s an actual, physical heart condition temporarily brought on by stressful situations. Part of the heart even temporarily enlarges. Crazy, huh? Granted, the actual broken heart syndrome is usually reserved for really severe events. But I think the physiology behind still applies, even if the effects aren’t as severe as in the actual condition. I think most of us can vouch that being stressed or unhappy is physically draining. Despite all the information and knowing that there are physiological things happening to you when you’re sad, there is really no way to make it just stop in it’s tracks. At least I haven’t quite figured that one out. It takes time for your body to catch up with your new mindset.
So, I went to the BYU forum once that had an old professor of mine (Dr. Bell) whom I really liked. He talked about the physiology of faith and fear. It was a really awesome forum. I figure it kinda ties in with what I’ve talked about and is pretty interesting so here’s a little about that-
You know how when you get scared you feel your heart start racing and you breath in a lot deeper? Well, there are physiological reasons for that. Again it involved the hypothalamus sending signals all over the place and this causes an increase in blood pressure, blood sugar levels rise, the liver and muscles release sugar to be used as energy to fuel the muscles, blood vessels contract, and the lungs dilate. This helps you get away if there is the fear of physical danger. It’s part of the autonomic nervous system, which means it’s something that happens and you don’t even have to think about it. Your mind and body are that good. Pretty cool stuff I think. When we’re afraid our bodies release the stress hormone cortisol, yet again. This stuff saves our lives though. We would not be able to survive without cortisol. Well, I suppose technically we could just so long as we never get hungry, scared, sick, or stressed in anyway. If you live that kind of life style let me know what the heck you’re doing.
So basically our fear can keep us alive. It causes the release of cortisol to help us cope with our stressors. But fear is not always acute, or in other words a temporary state to escape rational danger. Dr. Bell talked about all of our irrational fears that we constantly carry with us. The fear of failure, responsibility, embarrassment, public speaking, etc. are all irrational fears, which can inhibit our progress in this life. Our fear causes us to sacrifice our potential for the mediocre.
We all have pains, sorrows, and trial in this life. That culminates half the definition of life. The other half though is joy, service, and love. The Lord has given us bodies that can physically feel emotional pain. I think in a way this helps us better understand what we’re going through and then the ability to empathize with others. Our bodies have also been designed to protect us from overwhelming and even dangerous situations. You gotta admit, God knew what he was doing when he designed/created our bodies to help us make it through this mortal life. Our bodies however don't control us. We can choose faith over fear. We can choose to work to dispel stress and heartache rather than living with it as a constant companion. I wonder if we’ll still have an autonomic nervous system and adrenal glands in the next life… Anyway, I figured I’d leave you with a transitional set of quotes. Think about it.
Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
-- Author Unknown
The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt.
-- Max Lerner, The Unfinished Country, 1950
I thought when love for you died, I should die. It's dead. Alone, most strangely, I live on.
-- Rupert Brooke
[A] final comfort that is small, but not cold: The heart is the only broken instrument that works.
-- T.E. Kalem
“You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.”
- Mary Manin Morrissey
"Fear imprisons, faith liberates; fear paralyzes, faith empowers; fear disheartens, faith encourages; fear sickens, faith heals; fear makes useless, faith makes serviceable."
- Harry Emerson Fosdick
“Live by faith and not by fear.”
- Elder Quentin L. Cook
“As children of our Heavenly Father, we should learn to be happy, to trust in Him, and to not be afraid.”
- President James E. Faust
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
