I have a dream... well, many

Ok, so I think I've had (and remembered) more dreams in the past month or so than in most of my life put together. My roommate Liz seems to think there's deeper meaning to them... I shall recollect some of the weird dreams I've had recently-

1. I had a dream I was dating this guy; I have no idea who he was or how we even knew each other or started dating. But suddenly one day he decided to leave me. He just took off. Shortly after he left, other people started leaving me. Then my Grandpa died; though strangely my Grandma was suddenly around and she passed away over a year ago... That's pretty much all I remember from that one. It seems to indicate that I have abandonment issues. Who knows. It could just have been a really weird dream.

2. First, let me explain I am terrified of Michael Myers. I'm not talking about the comedian who played in Wayne's World. I mean the creepy character from the Halloween movies. He wears a white mask that forms around his face and you can never see his eyes. He has this really creepy walk and always carries a knife held up. Even if I see just 2 minutes of a clip from one of those movies, I get freaked out and will most likely have nightmares. That said, I had a nightmare with him; I had barely mentioned my fear of him to my roommates that night. Anyway, I was in the woods and it was pitch black out. There were areas where the trees were thick and other areas that were more like an open field. I was trying to run away from him and found myself in a part of the woods with trees all around and there was like an alter thing. It was his little alter where there were 6 or 7 candles. All but one of the candles had been lit; they signified his victims. He had to kill enough people to light all the candles so he could be restored to "full power". I was the last one left. One really weird thing though was that he could more easily find you if you brushed your teeth. All dreams have to have something totally out of place, right? That put me in a dilema though, cuz I didn't want to not brush my teeth. I don't remember what ended up happening, but that was one I remembered. I think I also may have been watching too much Buffy the Vampire Slayer...

3. I had another dream recently where I was at my Grandpa's, though of course it wasn't really my Grandpa's. There were other people with me, one of whom was a girl in my ward that's in my FHE group, but other than that I don't really know her. Anyway, I got in her car so we could leave. We were driving down an extremely long driveway lined with trees on both sides. I suddenly decided I wanted to stay so I asked her to stop and let me out. She wouldn't though. I kept telling her to stop and she wouldn't. Finally she was going to let me out, but instead of just stopping she backed up in order to turn around. I told her just to let me out but she kept backing up. She ended up on a long dock that was on a lake. She kept going backwards and I told her to stop, but it didn't work. She ended up driving the car into the lake. The car started filling up with water very fast. I had to punch through the glass and swim out through the window. Having broken the glass, I ended up with a large cut on my forearm and it was on a ridiculously huge bump. This dream was interpreted as me feeling like I've lost control. Or that I was wearing my heart on my sleeve, of which the results would not be pleasant. I was dating someone at the time of this dream, so that's how that part would make sense. Moving on...

4. I think this is the last dream I remember. It was actually just last night. I was in a hostage type situation. There were lots of different people I didn't know; parents, children/babies, etc. I was with this other girl in my ward and it was seemingly up to us to help everyone escape. It was more like just a large group of people that had been kidnapped rather than a hostage situation. I don't know how we got there, but there were like two large rooms separated by a very long hallway and several of the kidnappers stayed in these wide hallways to keep an eye on us. The girl I was with started praying before our planned escape asking for courage since we knew it wasn't going to be easy. However, it was surprisingly easy. We just piled everyone in a couple cars and drove off. But the bad guys hunted us down. We ended up getting dispersed and I was on my own and ran back to the Villa, where I live. I knew though that I couldn't go back to my apartment because they would be expecting that. So I ran in to the apartment next door and there were a bunch of girls there, all asleep in the living room. I distinctly remember locking the door and frantically asking for help. The blinds were open and as I glanced over I saw one of the guys that was after me. He saw me and burst into the apartment. I realized then that someone in the apartment was a traitor. They had unlocked the door so he could get in. I also vaguely remember there being other times we tried to get away, but there were always people I thought were helping but just ended up betraying us. Like I remember this one guy whom I went out with a couple times who was a good friend of mine was one of them. I haven't even really seen him in about a year and have only heard from him a few times, but he somehow managed to be one of the bad guys in my dream. I remember wondering how that could've happened. Do I have a problem trusting people? I have no idea. Again, it could just be a weird dream.

Well, there you have it. Those are some of my weird dreams. I usually don't remember my dreams, which is why this is so unusual to me. I typically wake up when I'm in a non-REM cycle so I don't remember my dreams. Maybe my sleeping schedule has been a little off lately. Maybe I'll have a really good dream though. :)

A Discovery

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately; about who I am, what I really want out of life, especially when it comes to relationships, and what I am willing and not willing to do to get what I want. I've had a major breaking point in my life. I've done things and gone through things I never thought I would have to deal with. I guess it's all part of growing up.

First of all, I have realized what I want when it comes to my dating life. I thought I knew what I wanted before, and though I was on the right track, I really only had a rough idea of what it was I was looking for. I knew I ultimately wanted to get married in the temple, to have a family and to raise my children in the gospel. And while that's good and all it does omit some of the important details. The other day at church I was sitting with one of my really good guy friends and his fiancee. We were in sacrament meeting and someone came up and asked my friend if he could help pass the sacrament. He could. And more than that he was happy to do so. He has the right attitude and shows respect for the priesthood which he holds. I want that. I want someone who can be ready on call to give blessings. Someone with whom I can have gospel discussions. Someone who wants to go on temple trips with me and ultimately take me there so that he can be with me forever.

The gospel of my Heavenly Father and my Savior is more important to me than anything. That's something else I realized after church yesterday. I always knew the gospel was important to me, but I didn't realize how much it is a part of my life. I had never really consciously told myself that my Savior came first. I need someone who feels the same. You may be familiar with that triangle they would draw in Sunday school or RS/Priesthood. The one where God is in the top point and the husband and wife were the other two points. And I don't think putting the Savior first diminishes your love for your spouse... in fact I think it enhances it. Here's a really cool poem we got in RS sometime last year. I think it's really good-

Believe and Be Satisified

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone. To have a deep, full
relationship with another. But God says, "No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and
content with being love by Me alone." Giving yourself totally and unreservedly to me.
To have an intensely personal relationship with me alone.

I love you my Daughter

Until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be
capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be
united with another until you are united with Me. Exclusive of any other desires or
longings. I want you to stop planning and stop wishing. Allow me to bring that person to
you. Just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep listening and learning
the things I tell you.
Just wait, that's all.

Don't be anxious, don't worry, don't look around at the things others have or what I have given them. Don't look at the things you want. Just keep looking to Me or you will miss
what I have to show you. When you are ready I'll surprise you with a love more
wonderful than you would ever have dreamed of when the one I have for you is ready.
I am working even this minute to have both of you ready at the same time. Until you are
satisfied exclusively with me and the life I have prepared for you, you will not be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me.

This is "Perfect Love"
Please know that I love you dearly,
Believe and Be Satisfied.

I really like that idea. It really hits home because it touches on one of my greatest weaknesses... patience. Good things come to those who wait. At least so I'm told, lol. I really try and be a good person. I try to remember who I represent and what my ultimate goal is here on the earth. I try to do my scripture study, say my prayers, and attend the temple. I'm not perfect by any means, but I am trying. And I think it's ok for me to want to be with someone who is doing the same. Someone who is willing to work as hard as me (or more!) for the same goal. That's the only way I can be truly happy in this life. I would rather go throughout my life being unmarried than to be with someone who caused me to compromise those things I have a testimony of and know to be true. I don't want to sound prideful, but I think I deserve the best. I've had the good, maybe even the better; but I want the best. I believe God has the best in store for me and I won't settle for anything less than what he wants to give me.