A Discovery

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately; about who I am, what I really want out of life, especially when it comes to relationships, and what I am willing and not willing to do to get what I want. I've had a major breaking point in my life. I've done things and gone through things I never thought I would have to deal with. I guess it's all part of growing up.

First of all, I have realized what I want when it comes to my dating life. I thought I knew what I wanted before, and though I was on the right track, I really only had a rough idea of what it was I was looking for. I knew I ultimately wanted to get married in the temple, to have a family and to raise my children in the gospel. And while that's good and all it does omit some of the important details. The other day at church I was sitting with one of my really good guy friends and his fiancee. We were in sacrament meeting and someone came up and asked my friend if he could help pass the sacrament. He could. And more than that he was happy to do so. He has the right attitude and shows respect for the priesthood which he holds. I want that. I want someone who can be ready on call to give blessings. Someone with whom I can have gospel discussions. Someone who wants to go on temple trips with me and ultimately take me there so that he can be with me forever.

The gospel of my Heavenly Father and my Savior is more important to me than anything. That's something else I realized after church yesterday. I always knew the gospel was important to me, but I didn't realize how much it is a part of my life. I had never really consciously told myself that my Savior came first. I need someone who feels the same. You may be familiar with that triangle they would draw in Sunday school or RS/Priesthood. The one where God is in the top point and the husband and wife were the other two points. And I don't think putting the Savior first diminishes your love for your spouse... in fact I think it enhances it. Here's a really cool poem we got in RS sometime last year. I think it's really good-

Believe and Be Satisified

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone. To have a deep, full
relationship with another. But God says, "No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and
content with being love by Me alone." Giving yourself totally and unreservedly to me.
To have an intensely personal relationship with me alone.

I love you my Daughter

Until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be
capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be
united with another until you are united with Me. Exclusive of any other desires or
longings. I want you to stop planning and stop wishing. Allow me to bring that person to
you. Just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep listening and learning
the things I tell you.
Just wait, that's all.

Don't be anxious, don't worry, don't look around at the things others have or what I have given them. Don't look at the things you want. Just keep looking to Me or you will miss
what I have to show you. When you are ready I'll surprise you with a love more
wonderful than you would ever have dreamed of when the one I have for you is ready.
I am working even this minute to have both of you ready at the same time. Until you are
satisfied exclusively with me and the life I have prepared for you, you will not be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me.

This is "Perfect Love"
Please know that I love you dearly,
Believe and Be Satisfied.

I really like that idea. It really hits home because it touches on one of my greatest weaknesses... patience. Good things come to those who wait. At least so I'm told, lol. I really try and be a good person. I try to remember who I represent and what my ultimate goal is here on the earth. I try to do my scripture study, say my prayers, and attend the temple. I'm not perfect by any means, but I am trying. And I think it's ok for me to want to be with someone who is doing the same. Someone who is willing to work as hard as me (or more!) for the same goal. That's the only way I can be truly happy in this life. I would rather go throughout my life being unmarried than to be with someone who caused me to compromise those things I have a testimony of and know to be true. I don't want to sound prideful, but I think I deserve the best. I've had the good, maybe even the better; but I want the best. I believe God has the best in store for me and I won't settle for anything less than what he wants to give me.