Can You Read My Mind?

So, my last day working at the library a little over a week ago I got to talking with my co-worker, Amber. It was such an interesting conversation (at least for us singles) and thought I'd share.

It seems relatively common to find really awesome girls that are still single, trying to make it here in Provo. I'm not including or excluding myself from this category. I'm just making an observation. Anyway, why aren't these girls getting asked out and what do they do about it? Well, this blog would probably most useful for those single guys out there that may not always have the confidence to ask a girl out because I'm going to let you in on what's going through a girl's mind.

So first thing's first. Why is it that there are so many pretty, funny, smart girls not getting asked out? Well, that kind of goes along with what girls tell themselves when they're not getting asked out because there could be a million and one reasons why they're not actually going out. One I've heard is that guys look at them and think "They're too pretty; they would never go out with me." Or, "She's probably already taken". While that may be true, here's a list of the things girls tell themselves when they find they're not getting asked out very often. How ever sad it may seem, it's true-

1. "It's because I deserve better." While it is very possible the girl deserves an amazing guy, it doesn't really explain why she's not getting asked out at all. She tells herself this in order to make herself feel better.

2. "It's just not my time." We sometimes take a religious perspective here in Provo and feel that maybe it's not our time to get married, which is why we're not even getting asked out. Yeah, that doesn't really make a whole lot of sense especially since we're supposed to be dating a lot to find someone we could marry. Another attempt to comfort ourselves.

3. "The Lord is still preparing him." This is probably one of my favorites. It goes back to the days of Young Womens when our leaders would frequently ask us to make lists of the traits we want in a future husband. Yes guys, we really did do that. So we'll tell ourselves the Lord is still putting the finishing touches on our future spouse because we're already ready and he's not. Yeah, again doesn't really make sense. We women have a lot to work on too but that doesn't stop most of us from getting married, which it shouldn't. Likewise I don't think we're waiting for "that one special guy" to be ready to marry us. Not likely. When we're ready to get married, we'll just find another guy who's also ready.

4. "It's ok; I'm happy being single." You should be happy to be single... but that doesn't mean you should stop hoping for a future with someone. And chances are you haven't actually stopped; you just try and accept your life as it is. You tell yourself single life isn't so bad even though deep down you feel life could be better if you had someone to share it with. It's like in the movie Hitch, "No woman wakes up saying 'I hope I don't get swept off my feet today!'" Basically, we all want it, but admitting it would mean (to us) we don't have everything we want and there's not much we can do about it right now.

Another movie reference I'd like to make pertains to the movie "He's just not that into you". A partly decent film, this movie made reference to what girls tell themselves when they find themselves dumped and single. Girls have been taught from a young age to lie to themselves about guys to make themselves feel better about their situation. Sometimes these supposed lies are actually truths, but for the most part, they're not. I hate to be the one to say it, but it's true.

Guys think that the "pretty" girls are probably getting asked out all the time and that they must have this fabulous self confidence and what not. Well, guess what guys? Not always true! You'll find very often quite the opposite. It's these pretty girls that have a lower (not necessarily a depressing low, but fragile) self esteem. I can't say all pretty girls are waiting to be asked out, but it's not as uncommon as you might think. Bottom line, it's ok to ask the pretty girls out, even if you guys may think she's not interested. If you don't have any reason to think she wouldn't like you other than that she's pretty, how do you know she doesn't really like you? You don't know. Again, I'm not trying to put myself into this category, it was just a fun conversation I had with a friend. I've seen it many times happen to my friends and thought it was worth writing. Anyway. Those are my thoughts for the day. You single guys should really think about it. I just opened the door to a girls mind for you. Use this knowledge wisely. Peace out~