I'm THAT Awesome

So, I was just sitting at work thinking to myself, "Dang... I'm awesome!" And I wanted to make sure you all knew that as well. I hope though that by reading this you don't put yourself down (man... I'm so considerate!) because let's face it, it's not easy to be this awesome. I wouldn't want to put that kind of pressure on you. So, allow me to begin:

1. I'm ridiculously smart. I mean seriously... have you ever met such a clever wit? I didn't think so. I went to BYU and majored in Biology. Obviously, I'm smart. I can tell you about the different herpes viruses, how a baby develops in utero, and the interactions of the brain and the nervous system. It doesn't even have to be about science. I can talk to you about the American Revolution and Civil War, art and music from the Renaissance (I'm very cultured), the economic principle of supply and demand, or even greek mythology. And if you want, I will speak it to you in french.

2. I'm an angel. I'm the nicest, sweetest person around. I never think of myself. I always put others before me. And I'm probably the most humble person you'll ever meet. I'd like to quote (with some alterations to fit me) part of a song by Mac Davis:

Oh [man] it's hard to be humble
when you're perfect in every way.
I can't wait to look in the mirror
cause I get better looking each day.
To know me is to love me
I must be a [heck] of a [girl].
Oh [man] it's hard to be humble
but I'm doing the best that I can.

I'm just so sweet. Everyone wants to be around me. Nobody has any complaints about me. Why would they? It's like the prince says in the movie Enchanted when asked if he likes himself, "What's not to like?". Seriously. I always do what I'm asked. And I do it all with a smile. I shoot sunshine from my fingers and toes. I'm also considerate. I open doors for old people and help them cross the street while carrying their groceries in one hand and holding off traffic with the other.

3. I'm hilarious. I have the sense of humor of a mule. And in case you didn't know, mules have a terrific sense of humor. Brian Regan made that very clear. I make everyone around me laugh. I sprinkle laughter all around like it was fairy dust. My aptly placed movie quotes always bring smiles and chuckles. What can I say? It's a gift. I've been asked to appear on a number of talk shows and in comedy clubs. I was even offered a job as a full-time cast member on SNL. I only turned it down so that I could have more time working with underpriveleged children in third world countries.

I'm sure most of you are aware I could go on about my awesomeness, but I don't want you to feel pressured to be more than you are. Afterall, I really am one of a kind. It really is amazing how so much talent, intelligence, and humor can fit into such a tiny, adorable person. But there you have it. I'm AWESOME.