Paris

So you may or may not know (probably do) that I recently went to Paris. Crazy, huh? It came about when a couple months ago I felt in a bit of a rut and wanted to do something new. I'm done with school (for now) and have just been working. Talk about boring. Anyway, I thought, "Hey, I've always wanted to travel, why not plan a trip?". So I started looking into different places to travel including Paris, Italy, Germany, London, Dublin, etc. I was looking at plane tickets and hotels. I figured I'd probably go in March sometime that way I could have plenty of time to plan, get my ticket, and save more money. Well, when I went to work I told my coworkers Lindsey and Megan that I was planning a trip to Europe somewhere. They seemed to think that was cool and wanted to do it with me. Being 3 of 4 people working at the Dr.'s office though we couldn't all take off work at the same time while we were seeing patients. So, after we decided that Paris was where we wanted to go we decided to do it the last week of October. The Dr. was going to be out of the office that week anyway. It was like the first week of September while we were deciding this. So the first thing we did was buy the Paris Pass, which gave us free range over the metro, buses, and the RER within central Paris. It also gave us access to pretty much every museum and places of interest we wanted to go to. Then we got our passports taken care of, our plane tickets, and the hotel. Needless to say it was a lot of work trying to get everything planned with just 6 weeks to do so. But then the time came and we went.

We left on Oct. 23 (Fri.) and came back Oct. 31 (Sat.). So we spent time in Paris for 6 full days. We didn't get into Paris until the late morning of the 24th. It was a looong flight- about 10 1/2 hours. It was mostly dark during the whole flight there. So we took a taxi to our hotel and then headed out to check out Paris. It was raining, we were tired, and it took forever to find the double decker bus we were looking for. The bus was a waste of money but whatever. Needless to say our first day there wasn't that pleasant. But we did get some cool pics by the Eiffel Tower.

Sunday morning Lindsey and I tried to go to a sacrament meeting. We had directions and the address but it took longer to get there than we planned for. We found the street it was on and could tell it would still be a long walk to get there and we probably missed sacrament anyway so we left. Oh well, you get points for trying, right? Anyway, that day we went and saw Notre Dame, which was totally awesome. We heard the bells too. We went down into the crypts there too and saw old pre-Roman building remains. We went into Notre Dame to see the cathedral. There was actually mass going on too. Weird. It was a beautiful building though. Then we went out to get in line to be able to climb to the top. While we were in line there was this guy wearing a creepy old man mask going around freaking people out. He was an entertainer of some sort. He would just go up to people when they weren't looking at put his arm around them or pop his head right in front of them and get them to freak and scream. He would just go up and down the street doing that. It kept us entertained for a good half hour. But then we got in and climbed over 400 spiral stairs to the top of Notre Dame. Amazing view. We also went to Saint Chapelle. Pretty cool cathedral with amazing stained glass. The upstairs had a whole long wall that was just stained glass. Later that night we also went to the Arc de Triomphe to see it lit up at night. There were a good 300 stairs there. We also saw the tomb of the unknown soldier lit up. Cool stuff.


Notre Dame

The next couple days kinda blend in... At some point we went and saw the Rodin museum where the Thinking Man statue is. The gardens there were absolutely beautiful. I love gardens and landscape stuff. Right after Rodin we went over to Napoleon's tomb. Also cool. His tomb was freaking huge. There were others of his family buried there too. We also went to the Tomb of the Kings. We saw there Marie Antoinette, King Louis XVI and Louis XVII's heart. Yeah, his heart is in this vase thing. But you can't really get anywhere near it. Coming back from the tomb though we had an interesting event occur on the metro. Firstly, apparently that area up north is not a good area and we probably shouldn't have gone. Anyway, on the metro on the way back to our area we witnessed a mugging. There was this young black guy standing next to me on the metro and there was another lady by us. When the metro stopped and the doors opened the guy grabbed this lady's purse and pulled her off the metro. The doors were still open and people were trying to get off and there were these kids crying out for their mom who it looked like had gotten caught in the crossfire so to speak and got pushed off and was on the ground. The one lady wouldn't let go of her purse and was trying to punch him in the face. He just had this weird grin on his face. Then this other dude came around and just put him in a choke hold and pinned him to the ground. The lady went over and kicked him in the face. He somehow got up and tried to run but then got tackled again and pinned to wait for the police to come get him. Then the doors finally closed and we continued on our way. We got off and were by Notre Dame and decided to sit down on the benches and say a little prayer. We had all been a little shaken by that and were just grateful it didn't happen to one of us. As soon as we finished we felt a wave of relief come. We ate our little lunch and got up to continue to where we were going. We hadn't even taken 10 steps when we saw 2 LDS missionaries walk by. We stopped them to say hi and one of them was there on his first day and he was from Salt Lake. Crazy! The other one was from southern France and spoke good English. We just chatted for a couple minutes then went on our way. It's hard to explain how cool that was to see them. I seriously feel that Heavenly Father put them in our way just to reassure us that He was watching out for us and that He would always be there. There's just too much there for me to think that could've just been coincidence.
Anway, on with the trip. We also saw the Conciergerie where Marie Antoinette was imprisoned before she was guillotined. Cool stuff. We also got to go to the Grevin Wax Museum. Pretty awesome stuff. They were pretty life-like figures. We saw Arnold Schwartzenager, Elton John, Michael Jackson (he was creepy...), Jackie Chan, Indian Jones, and Elvis. We also went to Hard Rock Cafe in Paris. Good ole American food and music! One of the waiters there came and chatted with us for a little talking about America and his couple trips there and what not. He called us his American sisters. He was one of the nice Frenchies.



Wednesday we went to the Place de la Concorde, which was just the open square where Marie Antoinette and Louis XVI were guillotined. Pretty cool stuff. They didn't have an actual marker though on where it happend. But we were there. Then we went and saw the Opera Garnier, the grand opera house. That's where the phantom did his original haunting. It was such an amazing building. Garnier, the designer, had some good taste. Chandeliers, marble stairs, golden trimmed balconies, you name it. That afternoon we went to the Louvre. It had crazy organization. We just walked wherever. We saw a bunch of Roman/Greek statues, Renaissance paintings, and what not. We saw the most famous stuff like Venus de Milo, Mona Lisa, and Nike the winged victory statue, which was probably my favorite. I already heard the Mona Lisa would be disappointing and so I was prepared for that. It's like a tiny 8x11 framed picture and I think you couldn't get any closer than like 15 feet and there were a million people all around. It was a pretty exhausting day. Opera Garnier


Winged Victory

So, Thursday we went to the Aquarium. Fish are cool. There wasn't really anything there I hadn't seen before. Still cool, but nothing new. We did some souvenir shopping and then went to the Eiffel Tower later in the afternoon. We got through the long line while listening to Rascal Flatts on Lindsey's phone. All American music. We took the elevator to the very top. It was a long elevator ride. It was going pretty fast and it still took a few minutes to get there. There was a cool view. It's a 360 area and we found the spot with the little American flag to show which direction the US was. On our way back down they had lit up the Eiffel Tower for the night. It was cool. Once we were off and headed back to our hotel they started shooting fireworks of some kind or something. We turn back to look and there are these white lights flashing all around the tower. It looked like white fireworks going off all around it. It was pretty awesome.

Friday was our last full day and we spent it at Versailles. The castle was amazing. There were like a million rooms and long halls with statues on both sides. We saw the Hall of Mirrors, which had chandeliers all down the hall and then mirrors on the one side making it look like twice the amount of gold and chandeliers. It was pretty awesome. Then we went outside, saw the gardens and took a little tram around to see more of the grounds and to visit Marie Antoinette's Estate. Her estate was huge. It had ponds, trees everywhere, pathways going every which way and a little closed up like gazebo which was used to play music there. It was frickin' freazing, but still amazing. I loved it because like I said I like gardens and grounds with trees and ponds and what not.

So Saturday morning we got up early, went to the airport, and flew home. We were all ready to get back to America. Paris was cool and all and it was a great experience, but God Bless America. I was so happy and pround to land in the US and see the flag waving. So there you have it. My Parisian experience.

You Win Some, You Lose Some

As I'm sure you're all aware, I am a huge Ohio State fan. I bleed scarlet for my Buckeyes. If you follow football at all, you're also aware that we ran into a defeat yesterday playing the USC Trojans. Needless to say I was very disappointed. I was very nervous going into the game... maybe not as much as the players themselves, but pretty dang close. But then things were going our way for the longest time. We were ahead by the end of the first quarter, tied by half time, and then were up again for most of the second half up until the last couple minutes. Needless to say, it was a pretty intense game. I'm still so proud of my Buckeyes though. Most people didn't think we even stood a chance against the Trojans based on our loss last season and our only slight win over Navy last week. A victory over the Trojans would have commanded respect for the Buckeyes as well as the Big Ten. Alas, we barely missed the mark. I'd like to think however, that the performance of the game has almost as much baring as the score itself. We made the Trojans work for their points. We proved to them and hopefully to the rest of country that we are a formidable opponent. We lost to a higher ranked team, but we gave them a run for their money. As a true Buckeye, I must say that win or lose, the Buckeyes are still my team. To be a true fan of any team you must support them no matter how they play or what the scores are. Even though we lost based on point score, we won in the fact that we played an excellent game. We had a great defense and offense. Not everything was perfect and not everything went our way, obviously, but we still played an amazing game (even though I was ready to throw up at the end, lol). We are still a force to be reckoned with. And there are still many teams and games to play that will test that. GO BUCKS!

Can You Read My Mind?

So, my last day working at the library a little over a week ago I got to talking with my co-worker, Amber. It was such an interesting conversation (at least for us singles) and thought I'd share.

It seems relatively common to find really awesome girls that are still single, trying to make it here in Provo. I'm not including or excluding myself from this category. I'm just making an observation. Anyway, why aren't these girls getting asked out and what do they do about it? Well, this blog would probably most useful for those single guys out there that may not always have the confidence to ask a girl out because I'm going to let you in on what's going through a girl's mind.

So first thing's first. Why is it that there are so many pretty, funny, smart girls not getting asked out? Well, that kind of goes along with what girls tell themselves when they're not getting asked out because there could be a million and one reasons why they're not actually going out. One I've heard is that guys look at them and think "They're too pretty; they would never go out with me." Or, "She's probably already taken". While that may be true, here's a list of the things girls tell themselves when they find they're not getting asked out very often. How ever sad it may seem, it's true-

1. "It's because I deserve better." While it is very possible the girl deserves an amazing guy, it doesn't really explain why she's not getting asked out at all. She tells herself this in order to make herself feel better.

2. "It's just not my time." We sometimes take a religious perspective here in Provo and feel that maybe it's not our time to get married, which is why we're not even getting asked out. Yeah, that doesn't really make a whole lot of sense especially since we're supposed to be dating a lot to find someone we could marry. Another attempt to comfort ourselves.

3. "The Lord is still preparing him." This is probably one of my favorites. It goes back to the days of Young Womens when our leaders would frequently ask us to make lists of the traits we want in a future husband. Yes guys, we really did do that. So we'll tell ourselves the Lord is still putting the finishing touches on our future spouse because we're already ready and he's not. Yeah, again doesn't really make sense. We women have a lot to work on too but that doesn't stop most of us from getting married, which it shouldn't. Likewise I don't think we're waiting for "that one special guy" to be ready to marry us. Not likely. When we're ready to get married, we'll just find another guy who's also ready.

4. "It's ok; I'm happy being single." You should be happy to be single... but that doesn't mean you should stop hoping for a future with someone. And chances are you haven't actually stopped; you just try and accept your life as it is. You tell yourself single life isn't so bad even though deep down you feel life could be better if you had someone to share it with. It's like in the movie Hitch, "No woman wakes up saying 'I hope I don't get swept off my feet today!'" Basically, we all want it, but admitting it would mean (to us) we don't have everything we want and there's not much we can do about it right now.

Another movie reference I'd like to make pertains to the movie "He's just not that into you". A partly decent film, this movie made reference to what girls tell themselves when they find themselves dumped and single. Girls have been taught from a young age to lie to themselves about guys to make themselves feel better about their situation. Sometimes these supposed lies are actually truths, but for the most part, they're not. I hate to be the one to say it, but it's true.

Guys think that the "pretty" girls are probably getting asked out all the time and that they must have this fabulous self confidence and what not. Well, guess what guys? Not always true! You'll find very often quite the opposite. It's these pretty girls that have a lower (not necessarily a depressing low, but fragile) self esteem. I can't say all pretty girls are waiting to be asked out, but it's not as uncommon as you might think. Bottom line, it's ok to ask the pretty girls out, even if you guys may think she's not interested. If you don't have any reason to think she wouldn't like you other than that she's pretty, how do you know she doesn't really like you? You don't know. Again, I'm not trying to put myself into this category, it was just a fun conversation I had with a friend. I've seen it many times happen to my friends and thought it was worth writing. Anyway. Those are my thoughts for the day. You single guys should really think about it. I just opened the door to a girls mind for you. Use this knowledge wisely. Peace out~

Destined to Seek, Destined to Know

So it's about time I updated everyone as to the situation of my life. First I shall inform you that I am officially done with classes! That's right, next stop: graduation. Graduation is August 13/14 and I will be among those students that have endured so much in our studies of the life sciences. I'm pretty stoked. It hasn't completely sunk in yet though. It kinda feels like when I graduated high school. Like this, "Yay, but I have more to do" kind of feeling. I'm actually growing up though. That leads me to me next set of good news- I got a job! Huzzah! I've been waiting for a few weeks to be officially offered the job, which I have now been given.
I'm going to be an ophthalmic medical assistant! I will work as a tech in a private ophthalmologist clinic basically helping him with diagnostic and treatment-type procedures. Under his direction I'll also write out prescriptions. I also will be rotating with the other techs doing the front desk work, so I'll also help with filing, doing co pays, appointment reminders/scheduling etc. I also have to keep up with studying... so I'm not done yet, lol. I have to do special chapter readings each week to help get me acquainted with everything and to help prepare me for my certification exam, which I will have to take. I believe after I get in about 180 hours I need to take an exam to make me a COA (certified ophthalmic assistant). Fortunately the doctor I will be working for will be my sponser for the test and be paying for it, which is about $300. So, thank goodness for that! So I go in on Monday for training and will continue training this coming week. I'll then be going home for 2 weeks and Dr. Donaldson said I can just come on in as soon as I get back. I still have a job on campus at the library, so I've been given the option to turn them into 2 part time jobs, which is what I'll probably do. I like the library and I think it'll be good for me to make the transition a little smoother. So I'll do that until I officially graduate in August and then I'll be full time with the ophthalmologist. So there's my fabulous news!
I also have moved into a different apartment. And can I just say I have amazing friends? You don't even know. I got several of my bestest friends ever to help me. No complaints and no trouble. They were just there. Brett, Janille, Eric, Scott, and Adam are amazing people and I bet you wish they were your friends too. Don't worry, I still like you too. Anyway. It's still in the same ward, just different apartment. I was just needing a change and this way I have my own room and am living with just one other girl, who is really cool. It's working out pretty well. It's only for the summer though. I'll be figuring out my salary this coming week so that'll give me a good idea of my price range for apartments. I'm hoping it'll pay enough so that I can move in to my own apartment. I've put my name on the list for a place where my friends Brett and Janille live, which would be totally awesome. And if not, it's ok. I know I'll be looked out for one way or the other.
So, yeah. I think that pretty much sums it up! I am a greatly blessed individual and I completely recognize that. Love and hugs to all my friends. Love and hugs to my family too-- can't wait to see everyone in a week!! :)

Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggonit... people still don't really like me

Do you ever get people telling you that you need to change in order to be well liked? Well I sometimes feel like I have. I've had people tell me if I smiled more maybe people would talk to me more. The most recent I've had was someone telling me I need to get out into the social arena more if I want to get married. This was actually told to me by a counselor in our new bishopric at church. I was just sitting with a few friends after church at the ward "Meet and Greet" that the bishopric likes to have so people can get to know the new members of the ward being a new semester and all. The member of the bishopric, Brother Call, came and sat with us. Now, I don't mean to dis him or anything and I'm not meaning to imply he's incapable of fulfilling his calling or anything like that, he just has a different perspective on dating than I do. Anyway, I had just made mention how I will be unmarried when I graduate this summer and how I want to take advantage of that and move in to my own apartment. Then Bro. Call asked why I was still single- had I just not been getting asked out? I said that definitely was part of it. The he proceeded to tell me I need to get out there more if I'm wanting to get married someday. I said I enjoyed being at the apartment by myself this past Friday night; it gave me some desired peace and quiet and solitude, which I am a greater fan of than most. He said that if I ever feel like staying home, that's when I most need to get out. I should never give up an opportunity to go out and do something to just stay at my apartment alone. Is there something wrong with liking the solitude? I seem to feel attacked sometimes by people when it comes to my enjoyment of being alone. People seem to find me weird for having a greater preference for it than they do. I don't know what to tell you, but that's just who I am. I can be social if I want to be; and when I don't want to be, I'm not. I don't do things I don't want to do. I'm not going to go to an activity that I would find boring or stupid for the sole purpose of being social. That's like lying to myself.

I also mentioned how I wouldn't date someone for the sake of just dating someone. I won't go out with people I don't like. Call me shallow if you will, but I don't care. I also mentioned how I've dated the guys that don't want commitment or that blatantly say they could never marry me (long story and hey, they were learning experiences, ok?). I won't do that anymore. I haven't dated a whole lot, but enough to have been hurt multiple times and to know what I don't want and what I won't settle for. So excuse me for holding the standard that my husband needs to be an active member of the church with an appreciation for the gospel who respects the priesthood. I guess I must take an extreme view when the prophets and apostles have said to set high standards. Like President Packer when he said "We encourage you to set high standards of dating." Or when Elder LeGrand Curtis said in the New Era, "It seems to me that quality young people are searching for other young people of high caliber who dress and act modestly, understand conversation, have high standards of behavior, and are refined yet 'down to earth.'" Note my sarcasm. I have no inclination to date people I could never marry. Been there, done that. What's the point of dating someone you know you could never marry and in whom you're investing time and emotion only to have your heart injured? I digress. I was told I could never find someone to marry if I don't "get out there"; that if I'm looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Perfect I'll still be single when I'm 80 years old. No guy is going to come to my door when I'm home at night and say "Hey, I'm ready to get married." Well, duh. But I don't think going out every night and doing things I don't wanna do is the answer either. I know Bro. Call meant well, but I was feeling pretty defensive.

The way I see it is I'll get married when it's my time. I'm not going out of my way in search of a husband if it's just not my time. But it's not like I'm going to avoid social situations either. If there's an activity I want to go to, I'll go. Being a social guru is not part of my personality. Why pretend to be something I'm not? I figure, the Lord knows my personality, He knows the best way to introduce me to my future husband so why do I need to worry about those details? As long as I'm doing what I'm supposed to things will happen the way they're supposed to. I'm not the type of person who is comfortable going up to someone (guy or girl) I don't know and striking up a conversation with them out of the blue. That's just not how I function. I need people I'm already friends with to introduce me and be a conversationalist with me at first. Then when I'm comfortable with that person, I can just go and talk to them by myself. I figure that's the method by which I'll meet the guy I marry; we'll be friends first... none of this blind date stuff, or we just met in the ward a week ago and they seemed cool so we thought it try it out. Again, not how I work. I could be wrong, but I figure the Lord knows how to work things out so we do I need to change my personality to supposedly "up my chances"? I don't is the way I see it. I know I'm far from perfect and there are a lot of things I need to work on and improve, but I think for the most part I'm happy being me. I like me the way I am and you should too. After all, what's not to like?

I have a dream... well, many

Ok, so I think I've had (and remembered) more dreams in the past month or so than in most of my life put together. My roommate Liz seems to think there's deeper meaning to them... I shall recollect some of the weird dreams I've had recently-

1. I had a dream I was dating this guy; I have no idea who he was or how we even knew each other or started dating. But suddenly one day he decided to leave me. He just took off. Shortly after he left, other people started leaving me. Then my Grandpa died; though strangely my Grandma was suddenly around and she passed away over a year ago... That's pretty much all I remember from that one. It seems to indicate that I have abandonment issues. Who knows. It could just have been a really weird dream.

2. First, let me explain I am terrified of Michael Myers. I'm not talking about the comedian who played in Wayne's World. I mean the creepy character from the Halloween movies. He wears a white mask that forms around his face and you can never see his eyes. He has this really creepy walk and always carries a knife held up. Even if I see just 2 minutes of a clip from one of those movies, I get freaked out and will most likely have nightmares. That said, I had a nightmare with him; I had barely mentioned my fear of him to my roommates that night. Anyway, I was in the woods and it was pitch black out. There were areas where the trees were thick and other areas that were more like an open field. I was trying to run away from him and found myself in a part of the woods with trees all around and there was like an alter thing. It was his little alter where there were 6 or 7 candles. All but one of the candles had been lit; they signified his victims. He had to kill enough people to light all the candles so he could be restored to "full power". I was the last one left. One really weird thing though was that he could more easily find you if you brushed your teeth. All dreams have to have something totally out of place, right? That put me in a dilema though, cuz I didn't want to not brush my teeth. I don't remember what ended up happening, but that was one I remembered. I think I also may have been watching too much Buffy the Vampire Slayer...

3. I had another dream recently where I was at my Grandpa's, though of course it wasn't really my Grandpa's. There were other people with me, one of whom was a girl in my ward that's in my FHE group, but other than that I don't really know her. Anyway, I got in her car so we could leave. We were driving down an extremely long driveway lined with trees on both sides. I suddenly decided I wanted to stay so I asked her to stop and let me out. She wouldn't though. I kept telling her to stop and she wouldn't. Finally she was going to let me out, but instead of just stopping she backed up in order to turn around. I told her just to let me out but she kept backing up. She ended up on a long dock that was on a lake. She kept going backwards and I told her to stop, but it didn't work. She ended up driving the car into the lake. The car started filling up with water very fast. I had to punch through the glass and swim out through the window. Having broken the glass, I ended up with a large cut on my forearm and it was on a ridiculously huge bump. This dream was interpreted as me feeling like I've lost control. Or that I was wearing my heart on my sleeve, of which the results would not be pleasant. I was dating someone at the time of this dream, so that's how that part would make sense. Moving on...

4. I think this is the last dream I remember. It was actually just last night. I was in a hostage type situation. There were lots of different people I didn't know; parents, children/babies, etc. I was with this other girl in my ward and it was seemingly up to us to help everyone escape. It was more like just a large group of people that had been kidnapped rather than a hostage situation. I don't know how we got there, but there were like two large rooms separated by a very long hallway and several of the kidnappers stayed in these wide hallways to keep an eye on us. The girl I was with started praying before our planned escape asking for courage since we knew it wasn't going to be easy. However, it was surprisingly easy. We just piled everyone in a couple cars and drove off. But the bad guys hunted us down. We ended up getting dispersed and I was on my own and ran back to the Villa, where I live. I knew though that I couldn't go back to my apartment because they would be expecting that. So I ran in to the apartment next door and there were a bunch of girls there, all asleep in the living room. I distinctly remember locking the door and frantically asking for help. The blinds were open and as I glanced over I saw one of the guys that was after me. He saw me and burst into the apartment. I realized then that someone in the apartment was a traitor. They had unlocked the door so he could get in. I also vaguely remember there being other times we tried to get away, but there were always people I thought were helping but just ended up betraying us. Like I remember this one guy whom I went out with a couple times who was a good friend of mine was one of them. I haven't even really seen him in about a year and have only heard from him a few times, but he somehow managed to be one of the bad guys in my dream. I remember wondering how that could've happened. Do I have a problem trusting people? I have no idea. Again, it could just be a weird dream.

Well, there you have it. Those are some of my weird dreams. I usually don't remember my dreams, which is why this is so unusual to me. I typically wake up when I'm in a non-REM cycle so I don't remember my dreams. Maybe my sleeping schedule has been a little off lately. Maybe I'll have a really good dream though. :)

A Discovery

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately; about who I am, what I really want out of life, especially when it comes to relationships, and what I am willing and not willing to do to get what I want. I've had a major breaking point in my life. I've done things and gone through things I never thought I would have to deal with. I guess it's all part of growing up.

First of all, I have realized what I want when it comes to my dating life. I thought I knew what I wanted before, and though I was on the right track, I really only had a rough idea of what it was I was looking for. I knew I ultimately wanted to get married in the temple, to have a family and to raise my children in the gospel. And while that's good and all it does omit some of the important details. The other day at church I was sitting with one of my really good guy friends and his fiancee. We were in sacrament meeting and someone came up and asked my friend if he could help pass the sacrament. He could. And more than that he was happy to do so. He has the right attitude and shows respect for the priesthood which he holds. I want that. I want someone who can be ready on call to give blessings. Someone with whom I can have gospel discussions. Someone who wants to go on temple trips with me and ultimately take me there so that he can be with me forever.

The gospel of my Heavenly Father and my Savior is more important to me than anything. That's something else I realized after church yesterday. I always knew the gospel was important to me, but I didn't realize how much it is a part of my life. I had never really consciously told myself that my Savior came first. I need someone who feels the same. You may be familiar with that triangle they would draw in Sunday school or RS/Priesthood. The one where God is in the top point and the husband and wife were the other two points. And I don't think putting the Savior first diminishes your love for your spouse... in fact I think it enhances it. Here's a really cool poem we got in RS sometime last year. I think it's really good-

Believe and Be Satisified

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone. To have a deep, full
relationship with another. But God says, "No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and
content with being love by Me alone." Giving yourself totally and unreservedly to me.
To have an intensely personal relationship with me alone.

I love you my Daughter

Until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be
capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be
united with another until you are united with Me. Exclusive of any other desires or
longings. I want you to stop planning and stop wishing. Allow me to bring that person to
you. Just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep listening and learning
the things I tell you.
Just wait, that's all.

Don't be anxious, don't worry, don't look around at the things others have or what I have given them. Don't look at the things you want. Just keep looking to Me or you will miss
what I have to show you. When you are ready I'll surprise you with a love more
wonderful than you would ever have dreamed of when the one I have for you is ready.
I am working even this minute to have both of you ready at the same time. Until you are
satisfied exclusively with me and the life I have prepared for you, you will not be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me.

This is "Perfect Love"
Please know that I love you dearly,
Believe and Be Satisfied.

I really like that idea. It really hits home because it touches on one of my greatest weaknesses... patience. Good things come to those who wait. At least so I'm told, lol. I really try and be a good person. I try to remember who I represent and what my ultimate goal is here on the earth. I try to do my scripture study, say my prayers, and attend the temple. I'm not perfect by any means, but I am trying. And I think it's ok for me to want to be with someone who is doing the same. Someone who is willing to work as hard as me (or more!) for the same goal. That's the only way I can be truly happy in this life. I would rather go throughout my life being unmarried than to be with someone who caused me to compromise those things I have a testimony of and know to be true. I don't want to sound prideful, but I think I deserve the best. I've had the good, maybe even the better; but I want the best. I believe God has the best in store for me and I won't settle for anything less than what he wants to give me.

My Bucket List

So, I got this idea from my friend JilliAnne. I thought it would be fun to list some of the things I want to do in my life. These include goals and ambitions as well as things that I think would just be amazing to do. I think making lists like this really show what kind of person you are. What kind of person do you think I am?...

1. Travel! To see the castles of Germany and France, the Louvre, climb the Eiffel Tower, walk down Champs Elysee, visit Versailles, the landscape and greenery of Ireland, the Coliseum in Rome, Sistine chapel... you get the idea.

2. Grow an amazing garden- all colors of roses, purple and white orchids, violets, forget-me-nots, geraniums, tulips. And to have a bench swing or a little white bench. And a beautiful white arch, a brick pathway, and a little fish pond.

3. Be on Jeopardy! Winning would be out of this world too.

4. Host a truly classy black and white "mocktail" party of sorts. An actual elegant party.

5. Read some more of the classics including, but not limited to: Anne of Green Gables, Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde, Frankenstein, East of Eden (this is next on the list after I read Peter Pan!), Emma, Tale of Two Cities, etc.

6. Make my own dresses- I want to sew dresses that I'll love, that fit wonderfully, and that I can say "I made that!"

7. Learn how to cross-stitch. Not typically one for crafts like that, but I think cross-stitching can make very beautiful pictures.

8. Go rock climbing. I'm scared to do it with people who are really good at it b/c it's pretty intimidating, but I'm determined to do it!

9. Graduate. This is in sight... so close. Just give me that piece of paper that says I know stuff.

10. Cancer research. Put me nerdy love of science to good use. It's a fascinating area of research and it's one of the most valuable areas of research I feel one could go into.

11. Go to a concert of one of my favorite artists- Evanescence, Coldplay, Secondhand Serenade, Goo Goo Dolls...

12. Own a nice, yet modest home.

13. Play another musical instrument- I play piano, but I'd like to try my hand at either acoustic guitar, drums, or violin... something that doesn't require good breathing techniques.

14. Get better and more involoved in photography.

15. Work with wood- I want to build things, like tables or other productive yet beautiful pieces.

16. Write a book- I've always loved writing, and I think I'm pretty good at it. I used to write down all sorts of ideas I had for stories/novels. Uusally fantasy or mystery. I would love to actually do it someday.

17. Improve/develop painting skills- I love love love, landscape art and would love to be able to do it myself.

18. Last, but certainly not least, to find someone who wants to take me to the temple and to raise a family with.

So there you have it. That's what I want to accomplish in my life. Maybe not the most exciting things, but hey, that's me. So, what do you think?

Special Valentine's Day Thoughts

So, on this Valentine's Day holiday I thought I would write a special blog. I shall introduce you to my own thoughts about love while also giving my opinion on the whole dating scene, with special attention to life out here in Provo as a BYU student

Let me ask you this, do you find a difference between the two phrases, "I'm falling in love" and "I'm in love"? It's been my experience that most people do not differentiate between the two. I find this a crucial flaw in one's perception of love. The word 'falling' is an active participle... meaning you are actively falling in love, but also that you have not quite reached the level of actually BEING in love. There is also a difference between love and infatuation. This seems pretty obvious off hand, but I think infatuation is too often mistaken for love. Infatuation is usually short-lived and isn't a deep feeling, though it may feel like it is. It's just a crush. Crushes are something you have on people you don't really know, as in REALLY know. You don't really know someone until you see their flaws and shortcomings, which everbody has. When you have a crush on someone, that individual seems flawless; that may be why you seem to be so attracted to them. I quote Robin Williams in the movie Good Will Hunting: "You're not perfect sport, and let me save you the suspense, this girl you've met she's not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other." Especially her at BYU I think too many people rush into marriage thinking because they're "in love" life will be peaches and cream. For those unfamiliar with the BYU stereotype (which I've seen supported in many instances) the joke is people get engaged after only dating for like a week. I don't get that. I don't think you can honestly say you love someone so quickly. You haven't had enough time to get through the "falling in love" process to reach the ultimate. Marriage is a very sacred, special union between two people. It should not be taken lightly. It's not just "the next step" or something you do because you're having so much fun with this person. Marriage is the new and everlasting covenant. I think that because of all the talk and pressure of dating out here too often do you find people, especially girls, who think of nothing else but finding Mr. Right. They're already planning their wedding. That just indicates another mistake to me... so many girls are wanting a wedding, not a marriage. They don't seem to realize that they'll be with this person for the long haul, through the best of times and the worst of times. They're in love with the idea... not necessarily the man (or woman in the guys' case). This is of course a generalization; I don't mean to say nobody know what they're doing when they get married. That would be unfair.

Now, let me say this is not meant to be a bitter or cynical blog. In fact, I think it's quite the opposite. I'm trying to express how I hold love and marriage with the highest regards. It's because I respect marriage and love so much that I'm defending them against those who take them too lightly. I feel it is important to distinguish between our feelings of infatuation and those of true love. To me, being able to say "I love you" means you know that person, their flaws, quirks and special personality traits, their pet peeves, things they absolutely hate, their hobbies, and that person makes you want to be better. They respect you. They make you want to give your all and that by doing so you'll be the happiest you've ever been. Love means you put their happiness before your own, but the two usually coincide anyway. You make each other genuinely happy. Now, realize this is all coming from a girl who hasn't even been close to getting married. This is just my perception.

I think it is also important to recognize that there is no "one person". I now quote Sense and Sensibility, "It is bewitching the idea that one's happiness depends entirely on one person." When you can realize this you won't get so freaked out about "what if I miss him?" and "what if that was my only chance?" Also, we as ladies need to recognize that being single doesn't mean you're an incomplete person. In fact, you have to figure out who you are and become that complete person before you can find happiness with someone else. I hate the line from Jerry Magurie that says "You complete me." Absolutely ridiculous. A marriage is two whole people becoming one, not two halves making a whole.

Anyway, I think I've spoken my peace on the subject. As an end to my thoughts, I'd like to list just a few of my favorite love quotes. Happy Valentine's Day friends and family! Love you all!

"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her."- Anonymous

"Love is an irresistible desire, to be irresisitibly desired."- Robert Frost

"The greatest happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved- loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves."- Victor Hugo

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."- Dr. Seuss

"Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one who makes your heart smile."- Anonymous

"I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you." - Roy Croft

"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."- Robert Heinlein

"Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction."- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"Love is friendship set on fire."- Jeremy Taylor

"Choose your love, love your choice."- Thomas S. Monson

"True love is not so much a matter of romance as it is a matter of anxious concern for the well being of one's companion."- Gordon B. Hinckley

Countdown to Graduation!

Ch-ch-ch-changes

So, I've been contemplating my life a lot lately. I recently applied for graduation and although I'm thrilled beyond words to be finishing school, it's making me actually have to make decisions I didn't think I'd have to make just yet. Firstly, I have to be honest, I don't know if I want to go to grad school at all. I'm tired of being in school. Maybe that's just the senioritis talking, but I really don't want to go back to school again when I'm done. I think the main reason I was saying I had plans to go to grad school was the same reason I used to want to go to Med school or PA school... just to get people off my back. It seems when you first start college people are always asking, "So, what's your major?" and a lot of the time if you don't know yet, you're looked at as being a slacker or having no ambition or something. At least that's how I feel. Once you have a major though, your problems aren't solved. Then people start asking, "What are you gonna do with that?". And if you don't have an answer to that question they think you're like a lost puppy and need to figure out the rest of your life right now. You need to have a permanent job prepared for you when you graduate. So ever since I declared myself a Biology major I've just told people I'm getting more education after I graduate, that way it seems like I have solid goals and am a put-together individual. I didn't want to deal with the disappointment people would have in me for not having my life planned out right away. I didn't want people to think less of me because I hadn't "figured it all out" yet. I typically try not to care what other people think, but I admit I'm pretty sensitive when it comes to questions about my intelligence and/or my potential to succeed in life. So, basically I don't want to go to grad school. There, I said it. Do I know exactly what I'm gonna do when I graduate? No, I don't, but that's what I'm trying to figure out now. Going to grad school wasn't for me... it was for everyone else.

Now that I'm setting aside grad school, I need to figure out where I'm going to be when I graduate. Originally I was going to stay here in UT and work for a little while before heading to SUU where I was wanting to go for grad school. But now that I'm x-ing out grad school I wonder if I really should/need to stay here. Admittedly Utah has grown on me the past 4-5 years. But I've been thinking about what there will be to keep me here when I graduate. Brett and Janille, who are practically my Utah family, will most likely have moved to California by that time. Ann, who is practically my sister, is still on her mission and will be for over another year. Melanie is another friend of mine who is practically family... her parents and siblings have allowed me to be somewhat adopoted in. She will be getting married in March and I don't know where they'll be moving to. Obviously those aren't the only people I care about in Utah. I have tons of friends out here whom I am glad to be around. But I can't help but look at the fact that soon I'll have no more "family" close by in Utah. All my family is back in Ohio. Not to demean my friends or anything, but what's in Utah to keep me here? If I get all BYU-Mormon I'd say I should stay here because I have better chances of getting married. But do I plan my life around chances? Of course I want to get married someday, but who's to say I have to be in Utah for that to happen? It's not a decision I've made just yet, but I am considering both options carefully. If the Lord wants me to stay in Utah I'll stay here without complaint. If he wants me to go back to Ohio I'll go without hesitation. And in the unlikely event he told me to go somewhere else I'd probably go there instead.

The thought of the Lord sending me somewhere else actually raises the next decision I'm inclined to make. Last night as I was thinking about all these different things and what awaits me when I graduate, I thought about going on a mission. Now don't misunderstand. Going on a mission isn't something I'd do just because I wasn't married or there was nothing else to do. It was always something I wanted to do when I was younger. When I turned 21 I prayed and thought about it, but didn't receive an affirmation to go. I felt inclined to finish up school. Well, that day is soon approaching and maybe I'm supposed to go then. Again I'm not saying I will and I'm not saying I won't; it's just another decision I'm trying to make.

There, I finally got it out there. I've really come to the realization that growing up is hard. All these decisions to make that can effect the rest of your life. At least we really only have to make them once. Just because I don't want to go to grad school doesn't mean I don't have hopes or dreams for the future. Just because I don't have all the answers and don't have my future planned out to a "T" doesn't mean I'm a failure. I'm doing my best to prepare for the future without knowing all of what it holds. Elder Holland gave a great devotional today about that. Quite inspiring. Here are a couple things he said that I'm keeping in mind-

"Keep your eyes on your dreams, however distant, and live to see the miracles of repentance and forgiveness, trust and divine love transform your life today, tomorrow and forever."

"God doesn't care nearly as much about where you have been as he does about where you are, and with his help, where you are willing to go."

"We remember that faith is always pointed toward the future — faith always has to do with blessing and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives."

I'm doing my very best, as President Hinckley once counseled. I may not have all the answers I need today, or tomorrow, or even next month, but I am trying. If you haven't grown up yet, you should try it.